I was listening to a podcast about Michael Jordan the other day while I was taking a shower – a great thinking place, obviously.  One of the topics, inevitably, was around Mike gambling on the golf course and how much he loves golf.  That got me thinking, “if I had 18 holes of golf with Michael Jordan, and he could only provide the god’s-honest truth to anything I asked, what would I ask him?”  Assumption being he’s ok with this question arrangement and it isn’t an annoying distraction.  The catch is, you only get one question per hole and you have to be a moderately civil/respectful human.  Aka, I’m keeping it above board so as not to make enemies with MJ.  Hell, Steve Kerr wasn’t necessarily on bad terms with him and he got punched in the face in training camp!  (So many tellings of that story, but I like this one today.  Makes me miss those glory years here in Chicago.)

Anyway, here are my 18 questions.

Hole 1: Shoes on the Jordan Statue

When Jordan retired the first time, the Bulls put up a statue of him outside of the United Center.  It practically became a pilgrimage sight.  Standing there was this giant bronze statue of Jordan in his signature Jumpman pose.  There was only one problem with the statue.  (At least I think it’s a problem…)  The statue depicted Jordan wearing a Bulls uniform and the Jordan IX (that’s a Roman numeral for the number 9) shoe.  The catch is, Jordan had never worn the IX in a Bulls game at that point in time, and I don’t think they were even released while he was actively playing prior to that point.

So my question would be, “I’ve always wondered, did you have any input on your statue wearing the IX, and if you could go back and change it, what model would you have chosen for that time period?”  I like to think it would be something VI through VIII.

Hole 2: Favorite Signature Jordan

Staying with the shoe theme, I just want to know – “what’s your favorite signature Jordan and why?  What’s your least favorite, and why?”

Hole 3: Favorite Non-Jordan Nike

Ok, sticking with the shoe theme again.  Michael Jordan has worn a non-Jordan shoe in NBA play a small handful of times.  In general, I want to know, “what’s your favorite non-Jordan Nike of all time?”  Prior to being a Nike/Jordan Brand guy, I know he has a storied history with Converse and Adidas.  I’ll save that for either 19th hole or another day where I’ll obviously get to golf with him again.

Hole 4: Locker at Medinah Country Club

If you’re ever fortunate enough to play Medinah Country Club, one of the favorite “bits” to wheel out for guests is to casually see MJ’s locker in the locker room.  (I had a friend who used to be a member there and his locker was in the same vicinity so you couldn’t miss the activity.)  His locker was covered in newspaper clippings and very “Michael Jordan, the Bulls legend” stuff, in addition to some shoes and usual wares you’d expect in a golf locker.

I’ve heard claims in a few directions, but the golf nerd in me wants to know…”come on, what’s the story with your locker there?”

Hole 5: Michael Jordan’s Restaurant

I need to know more about Michael Jordan’s Chicago restaurant.  No, I don’t mean his current one (Oak Brook doesn’t even count, that’s Ditka territory – yes I’ve been to Ditka’s downtown too, and it’s also awesome).  I mean the OG that was opened from 1993 to 1999 on LaSalle.  If you were a Jordan fan, no way you were missing that joint.

“How involved were you really with that place, and what did you really think of it?”

Note: I went once and the food wasn’t all that great…

Hole 6: Do You Remember Me?

Ok, we’ve started to settle in by this point, I’m sure of it.  I’ve probably knocked back a Transfusion or two out of nerves.  He’s Michael Jordan so he’s been fine this whole time.  Now I start with my first real question:

“Mike, I have to ask – do you remember meeting me at Darrell Walker’s basketball camp at North Central College in the 90s?”

Of course he does.  Between the people Jordan meets on an everyday basis at the height of being Michael Jordan, his own basketball camps, and the hundreds of other kids in this Darrell Walker camp, he obviously remembers our interaction.

It was actually pretty nuts.  This was a week-long camp in the summer and each day, Walker had some cool NBA guest show up and talk to the camp.  Marcus Camby and Damon Stoudamire came on separate days.  Unfortunately Isaiah Thomas ended up having to bail.  But like clockwork, Darrell Walker goes, “so I asked another friend to stop by.  Hope you guys don’t mind.  He’ll be here a little later” and this Ferrari pulls up to the open garage door at the end of the gym and out steps Michael Jordan right as Walker’s telling us this.  This guy had such a presence about him, there’s no way he’s a mortal human living in the same dimension as us.

PS. I got the sickest And1 basketball shorts at that camp.

Hole 7: Do You Ever Wish You Could Be Normal?

See the Steve Kerr story I linked at the beginning.  Jordan hasn’t been able to be a normal person for decades.  I’d be interested to hear about “even with all the glamour that’s come with your life, do you ever wish you could just walk around like a normal person?”  If he says some form of “yes,” then I want to know why.  I can only imagine how unrepeatable this conversation would feel.

Hole 8: Are You and Scottie Pippen Actually Good Friends?

I mean, I know they’re close and have no reason to not believe it, but you never know.  Growing up with it always being like they were such a package deal, and their on-court chemistry, I’d like know how authentic their closeness was.

Hole 9: Trash Talk

Jordan’s a notorious trash talker.  Regarded as one of the best, largely because of his ability to back it up.  But, “Mike, has anyone talking shit to you ever figured out just the right thing to say to you that actually had you shook?”  If he says yes, I’ll follow up with, “what did that feel like for you?!”  I wouldn’t DARE ask WHAT it was, however.  That shouldn’t get out to the public.

Hole 10: What Are You Drinking?

We just made the turn.  Obviously picked up a fresh round.  It’s probably been a long hour and a half (or more) putting up with me.  Keep it light with an easy and inconsequential question.  Get our feet back under us.

Hole 11:  Time to Ask About the Flu Game

Ok, this is the most obvious question you’re going to ask him.  I’m waiting for the 11th hole because we’ve had the front 9 to get comfortable and acquainted, made the turn, maybe picked up a snack and/or cocktails and the 10th hole was largely spent getting back into the round.  Now everything is in place for this important question.  Obviously the answer stays within our group.  Don’t bite the hand that feeds – especially if it’s Michael Jordan…

“What’s the exact Flu Game story?  PS. The Flu Game XII is easily a top-20 Air Jordan model/colorway.”

Hole 12: How’s the Relationship with Steve Kerr Today?

I don’t even know if there is one, but after the punch that re-focused the Bulls, I want to know how the relationship evolved from there and what it’s like today.

Hole 13: Johnny “Red” Kerr & Tom Dore

“What kind of relationship did you have with those guys, and what was the funniest thing they ever did when you did the whole pre-game powder clap thing?”

Hole 14: Chicago Food

I don’t care what he thought about food in Chicago.  I only want to know one thing:

“What’s your favorite Italian beef in Chicago?”

If he doesn’t say Johnnie’s, I’m going to be very upset.

Hole 15: Golf Shoes

Man, the Air Jordan golf shoe releases are HOT in the streets these days.  (Check out some of our Jordan golf shoe reviews here!)  Seems like he could have gotten that machine moving a long time ago.  Don’t get me wrong, there were Jordan Brand golf shoes, albeit not signature Jordan sneaker models, decades ago (they were pretty trash).  Then he’s had “prototypes” of his signature sneaker models as golf shoes for him and his small circle of people.  THEN there was the first Keegan Bradley models (that still haven’t made it to the public).

“Why did it take you and Nike so long to get the golf shoes rolling out?!”

Hole 16: Basketball or Golf?

Michael Jordan has been a huge golfer for as long as I remember.  He’s also the best basketball player of all time and elevated that industry to a whole new level.

“All things equal – the money, success, cultural impact, life, etc – would you rather have made your way in the world as a basketball player or as a golfer?”

Think of Jordan’s timeline.  If he was dominant in golf like he was in basketball, he would have been Tiger Woods.  I wonder if current-day Jordan would prefer that?  I also just imagine him being like, “basketball” and the topic is over immediately.  And then I feel like a philosophical try-hard idiot with such a bizarre question after successfully navigating the last 3 hours relatively smoothly and not making too much of a fool of myself.  Oh well, I tried.

Hole 17: Tell Me About the Gear?

I’m a golf nerd, and after all, we’re golfing.  I want to know how much he cares about his gear and how much attention he pays to the industry.

“Are you really into your golf gear, and how do you go about trying out new equipment?  What kind of golf equipment stuff are you into?”

It’s really a pretty vague and dumb question, but hopefully it opens up a nerd conversation that levels the playing field a little bit.

Hole 18: Would You Mind?

I’ve learned enough.  Heard some great stories.  I’m going for a two-fer, but they’re roughly in the same “box” so I can ask for both.  I can’t meet one of the world’s great legends of the past 30 yeas and NOT ask this…

“Would you mind taking a quick picture and signing my scorecard?”

Call the custom framing shop!  I have an urgent drop off!

19th Hole…

Sorry, I’m out of time for one last question over a soda.  I need to hit the pro shop of this obviously super exclusive club/event we’re playing at, and I need ample time to make sure I leave no stone unturned.  Priorities, Mike, priorities.  Those quarter zips and Tervis tumblers aren’t gonna buy themselves!

So that’s it.  I feel like if this hypothetical ever happens, I’ve at least done some homework so I’m not a hot mess in the moment.  Er, as hot of a mess if you will…